[[---`HopeFaithLove`---]]

dont srew with me

2006-07-02T01:53:00.000+08:00

sigh..
later...

hmmm.. some wat interesting

2006-05-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about HAnnah!

The only planet that rotates on its side is HAnnah!
Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by HAnnah fighting underground!
Lightning strikes HAnnah over seven times every hour.
Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with HAnnah!
HAnnah is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives.
US gold coins used to say 'In HAnnah we trust'.
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same HAnnah.
If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have HAnnah for the rest of the day.
HAnnah has a memory span of three seconds.
The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of HAnnah.

I'm in TAR

2006-02-09T13:45:00.000+08:00

life... sucks...
high school.. suxed....
now college also... sux...

WAt the hell is going on?
well okie lar not that bad lar... but still i tak tahan... very weird.. was so hoping i would be in help or talyors...

sigh..
the worst has happened... better make the best out of it...
i dun wanna sux all my life...

actually tar not tat bad lar...
but.. was hoping for the best mar..

oh well.. going suck myself up

Happy new YeAR

2006-01-27T19:46:00.000+08:00

Take The Quiz Yourself!
Been crazy over bleach for the past 2 weeks!!
trust me it's great!!
Love it!

Worst day at Kasturi...

2005-10-25T02:32:00.000+08:00

Thank GOD!! Last day of kasturi for me in tml!! I don't think i can take anymore classes in kasturi!! They are darn long!!! From 2:30 till 6:40pm every class! BEsides that, the classrooms are darn COLD!!! I was frozen after every class, goosepimples popping out on the surface of my skin!! ARGH!!

Today was the worst day i had at kasturi. After picking up my brother from school, i had lunch with my family at Mid Valley. By the time i finished lunch it was already 1:50pm!! i WAs soo Late!! And things didn't get any better... My handphone cerdit expired today!! I couldnt call out!! I had to run down from the second floor to lower gound to get my hp topped up(i really needed to call my friend cus i had no idea where kasturi 3 is?!!) After that i ran all the way to thee bus stop... thank God the bus waited for me...

I actually had 10 extra mins by the time i got to Kota Raya... but blur me.. i had no idea where i was supposed to go...
i was wondering around like an idiot for more than 10 mins... i called my friend but couldnt make head or tail what she was saying..
i ended up asking people on the streets... but none of them had any idea What i was talking about.. So i ended up walking to kasturi 1..
the lady there told me it was in front of Maybank.. I was like.. hmmm r u sure there it's there? I've passed by that place a few times(of cus i din say it out loud.. i din want to look like an idiot)... So i walk to Maybank.. and stared blankly at the building for awhile... then i suddenly all came to me...
when she said "in front of" she could have meant "opposite"... I walked on and thank God.. i saw a little piece of paper saying "S7 tingkat 4".. I was really relief... but i felt like a complete IDIOT!!!

The class was soo packed that i think there were more than 200 people there. btw, i was having chinese today. the teacher is a "Ah Pak"(really old man) and taught like one... before 5 mins in the class i was getting BORED!! i took out my MP3 player and plugged-in... I wish i didn't take all the trouble trying to get to this class.. actually.. i wish i didnt Go at all...
before long, people around me were starting to fall asleep.. the guys in front of me were making a lot to noise.. suddenly one of them stand up(i think he wanted to leave)... He looked so akward that the whole class burst out laughing!! He was soo malu that he sat down again... i think that was the only eventful thing for the whole day.

However, other classes there aren't too bad.. some are actually interesting... The english teacher was the craziest, he kept trying to scare us by saying that " Don't worry, It's very easy to fail english this year.." we were all like "WHAT!!".. from that second on, he had our undivided attention. Come to think of it, i think he's a very brilliant teacher to think of such a way to get our attention!

Oh well, to all form 4's out there... Make sure you go to kasturi next year! it really helps... just remember to skip chinese...

Tag.. you'r IT

2005-10-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

Thanks <Jan Wei> for tagging me!! Luv ya gAL!

Seven things you plan to do before you die
1. Show the ppl dearest to me HOw much I luv them.. (sobs s0bs.. i'm gonna die)
2. Perform on stage in front of a thousand people (if i can get over my stage fright, tat is..)
3. Travel the world with my family and friends!!
4. Have a party that will put HOLLYwood to SHAME!!!
5. Make a difference in the World.. or someone.. (planning on joining UN one fine day)
6. Get God's acceptence
7. Joke till i DIE.. MUAHAHAH..

Seven things you can do
1. Watching TV all day long!!
2. Bake... ermm only cookies..
3. EAT!
4. SMile.. and laugh all day long!!
5. Scream..
6. Sleep, walk, talk etc
7. basically i can do all thing with Divine help!! MUAHAH

Seven celebrity crushes
1. Leonardo De Caprio(well tat was a very long while ago)
dont get crushes on celebs anymore..

Seven often-repeated words
1. Hey Gal
2. Wassup?
3. Wateva
4. Daijyubu(r u ok)
5. Huh?
6. Ooo...
7. R u really really sure?

Seven physical traits you look for in the opposite sex
1. Eyes... deep eyes so i can drown in them!!
2. soft lips
3. Not too dark (skin tat is..)
4. smooth/soft fingers
5. not too tall but taller than me!
6. Dark hair
7. not too thin

Seven tags go to
1. Davina!!!
2. Lien Yiny!!!
3. Roxy!!!
4. ElizaBeth!!!
5. Michelle!!!
6. Caprieee!!!
7. REGINA!!!

Three names you go by
1. Hana/Hannah
2. Yuet LING(only teachers)
3. Nana

Three screen names you've had (This will be picked randomly...=P)
1. Smiley
2. ハナ Hana
3. Go MaD(go make a difference.. was a camp theme.. heehee)

Three physical things you like about yourself
1. My hair (it's always in a mess)
2. My lips??
3. My ears??????

Three physical things you don't like about yourself
1. My body shape *So damn FAT*
2. My hair (like i've said it's always in a mess.. i hate it yet luv it)
3. short NECK!!! ARGH

Three parts of your heritage
1. Hokkian
2. Cantonese
3. Obviously Chinese DUH...

Three things that scare you
1. lizards... but i luv igunas...
2. not accepted by The Divine
3. People having mood swings......That's scaaaryyyy...... SOOO SCARYY!!

Three drinks (alcoholic or non)
1. Tea.. (green tea, chinese tea, herbal tea, milk tea)
2. Volka
3. Water

Three of your everyday essentials
1. Shampoo and bath gel/cream.. wateva
2. friends and family
3. Music!!

Three things you are wearing right now
1. A shirt
2. Pants
3. watch and glasses

Three of your favourite movies
1. X-men
2. Sherk
3. Lord of The Rings

Two truths and a lie
1. I crap A LOTTTT
2. I hate the hostel wardens!!
3. I haven't started studying for SPM!!!!

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you
1. His Smile
2. His touch
3. the way he presents himself

Three careers you are considering, or have considered
1. MEdical wateva(doctor, dentist etc)
2. Performing Arts
3. Film and cinema

Three people you would like to see take this quiz now
1. The people mentioned
2. Kai yuan
3. and Whoeve reads this!!

Time to look around Us

2005-10-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

I was reading an email just now when i came a cross a poem that was writen by a Jugde that was stripped of his judgship for displaying "THE TEN COMMANDMENTS" in the courtroom...

It is really awake up call for us... and to the world we live in today. Things are getting from bad to worst...

this is was the poem says..

America the Beautiful,
or so you used to be.
Land of the Pilgrims' pride;
I'm glad they'll never see.

Babies piled in dumpsters,
Abortion on demand,
Oh, sweet land of liberty;
your house is on the sand.

Our children wander aimlessly
poisoned by cocaine,
Choosing to indulge their lusts,
when God has said abstain.

From sea to shining sea,
our Nation turns away
From the teaching of God's love
and a need to always pray.

We've kept God in our temples,
how callous we have grown.
When earth is but His footstool,
and Heaven is His throne.

We've voted in a government
that's rotting at the core,
Appointing Godless Judges
who throw reason out the door,

Too soft to place a killer
in a well deserved tomb,
But brave enough to kill a baby
before he leaves the womb.

You think that God's not angry,
that our land's a moral slum?
How much longer will He wait
before His judgment comes?

How are we to face our God,
from Whom we cannot hide?
What then is left for us to do,
but stem this evil tide?

If we who are His children,
will humbly turn and pray;
Seek His holy face
and mend our evil way:

Then God will hear from Heaven
and forgive us of our sins,
He'll heal our sickly land
and those who live within.

But, America the Beautiful,
if you don't - then you will see,
A sad but Holy God
withdraw His hand from Thee.
~Judge Roy Moore

I think it is time we thought about our ways... is it right or wrong..
And to make sure
Our beloved country does not end up like that...
It all has to start with US...

ToUcheD...

2005-10-16T23:56:00.000+08:00

Just a feel a days ago i was chatting with a friend that i haven't talk to or seen in a very long while.. we happened to talk about the coming Spm and how it affects us...
I kinda mentioned that i was having some problems with the Hidrokarbon part for chemistry.. and she was like... trying so hard to explain it to me.. eventhough i didn't asked! She even offered to call me up to explain it.. or ask some of her "super-smart" friends for me!!
I was like SOOO touched!! i mean... WOW i din even ask!!
It really meant a lot to me that she was sooo nice!! i have had lots of friends.. but i dun think either one of them has ever done such a thing for me!! she totally rocked my world!!
I was soooo Touched

INteresting bits about gals

2005-10-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

I read this somewhere on the net and thought i was quite interesting... I mean... some of it are true.. in a way or two.. if u know what i mean.

Gossip isn't a sin.. it's an art
- we arent ashamed to cry.

- we must go to the bathroom in groups

- we have this thing called feelings.* dont hurt
them. *

- we dont wake up looking pretty. it takes
time and
effort. **

- sometimes is just never quite enough.

- we need girls nights OFTEN.

- we hold grudges and we never forget the
things
you say to us
that hurt.

- it doesnt matter who dumped who or why.
whenever we see an ex with another girl, it
always
bothers us. not because were not over you, but
because we know we used to be that girl.

- makeup can hide so many things, like puffy
eyes
from crying to huge scars from a broken heart

- never ever ask a girl what she weighs; or
imply
anything about her weight being too much or
too
little. just don`t do it.

- never ask a girl if shes being so bitchy cause
of
PMS...cause other things annoy us...duh

- as much as we say we didnt like u that
much...we did

- girls notice every little thing so be careful
what
you say and do

- our eyes are located in our heads. not our
chest
or butt. when
youre not looking in our eyes, WE KN0W.

- we get a feeling in our gut when things are
wrong
(seriously true)

- sometimes we trust you because we want to
even when we know you are lying, and it hurts

So what do you think?

better get started...

2005-10-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

it seems like most of my postings now adays are pretty much boring... i guess i havent much to say... or... maybe i just cant find the words to say wat i am feeling rite now...

well.. only about 28 more days to SPM... i really have to start studying now... really scary..
pray for me plz, i don't know why i just can't find the motvation to study!! It really makes me wanna SCREAM!!

SPm

2005-10-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

As the days go by... i get more and more worried!! SPM is coming!!

Gosh!! i havent finish preparing.. and i feel like dying...
i'm being compared to some guy that lives up the street by my mum!! GOsh!! He's like NUMBER ONE nerd!! i mean just look at that guy!! How dorky can he get??
So what head prefect, Stright A's.. big deal... he's not perfect!! i still remember him asking me how much i got for the exams.. and LAUGHING about it...
but guess what.. my mum thinks he's the WORLd's nicest guy...

it's really sucky... people jugde you by the certs you have... the A's you get... it's soo uncool...
To me.. i think there are somethings that can't judge a person's worth... i mean... no one is perfect.. my may be damn good at your studys.. so what if you have a sucky personality.. no one's gonna wanna be your friend.. or even work wiith u...

oh well.. i dun give a damn how others look at me... i'm gonna be how i am... what i am... get your butt out of my face!! F*$% OFF...

2005-10-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Hi hi people! Download music

2005-10-01T01:29:00.000+08:00

hi hi, after not blogging for soooo long i decided to start again..
and to make up for my absents, i have uploaded a few japanese songs. Go to "downloads" and then Click "JPOP"
please gimme some feedback!!
Enjoy

ending it

2005-05-12T19:16:00.000+08:00

after all the "wonderful" experince this few days..
i did a lot of praying...
and
i actually asked my mom for advise..
lol
anyway...
with God's divine help i think i'll live...
heehee
anyway i know He's gonna help me start over..
catch u later!
see if u can guess my next blog's title
lol..
take care..
may god be with ya..
peace!

restarting

2005-04-30T23:57:00.000+08:00

i was going to close this blog a few days ago...
i wanted to change myself... i wanted to be somebody else..

anyway i started by failing my exams...
eventhough i study last min i usually put alot of afford in it...
but this time...
sigh...
i start at 8pm... stop for CSI, Charmed, etc.. then start again... then an hour later.. i stop for supper..
and guess wat time i stop?
2am..
all in all i only studied 2 hrs...
and it scares me... i've never been like this anyway...

next...
i got really mad at a really special friend for no good reasons...
y r ppl so cold? y cant i just fit in?

then...
i totally couldnt care more bout interact club...
after all the afford i put into it.. i hav no idea how/why i could just give it away like tat? (btw.. i just completely let go of theinteract club to the next Prezzy)actually i think it was kinda hard.. but everything happened so quickly...

next...
i ermm decided that, school... once upon a time asafe heaven to me... is now just school.. i go and i come home.. i try to make the least conversation as possible.

then...
i decided that God didnt care. i thought that ermm he wouldnr give a @$@#$ what happened to me... y does it hav to hurt so bad when i am supposed to hav a almighty and loving God.

however as time past...
i find that all this is just a lesson. somthing that one hav to go through before one can grow. God does care, my friend just lent me a book entitled "where is God whne it hurts" i really needed it...
it's like God is answering me in a little voice...
and it seems like i dont hav to fit in 100% as long as i know that.. somewhere out there, someone cares about how i feel is good enough for me...
and..
i guess i just hav to stop worrying and let things be.. and as for the interact.. it is time...

Exams! Argh begitu stress

2005-04-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

i really feel like i have been shut out of my life...
or
locked out of my own little world...
locked out in the darkness.. the cold..
everything that means something to me seems to fade slowly...
hostel, ppl i love, family, results, interact, ..........friends
i means like... i'm quite lost for words when it comes to these things...
it's like i dont belong... i feel really felt out...
especial with friends i call the closest,
i dont know why they just hav to keep talking bout things i hav no idea about in front of me...
knowing i'll never be able to feel those things again...
knowing it hurts me so to hear it...
and most of all...
leaving me out of things...
i dont understand...
why does these things happen?

wat more...
my mom dragged me out of the hostel...
my uncle is really sick.. my mom wants to visit him in spore, my dad is leaving of thailand..
so.. my mom wants me to stay in some uncle's hse..
i just wonder y my mom nv really considered how i felt when she forced my out of the hostel...
now she's having trouble looking for a plce for when while she is away...
everyday she is worry bout my uncle...
worrying bout church....
worrying for my brother...
my dad who is going 2 thailand for almost 2 months...
so it's gonna be just me my mom my brother...
i think i'll go crazy...
now that i'm home
i'm obligated to help with the hse work, share the burden, and bugdet!
i dint know we were that broke...
i'm even having trying to get scholarship now...
having to listen to my mom nagging every single day!
i'm really go to go crazy

i really really miss the hostel... the friends... the peace...
i wish i'll never have it again...

Life?

2005-04-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

Why are we living for?
Everyone has to die one day...
there always begin and end
Why do ppl hav to suffer?
when one day death is for sure?

Some say friends are their life...
but friends come and go it's hard to find real friends that would last a live time..
most friends no matter how good only leave footsteps in your heart...
so why hav so many scars in ur heart?
some say family...

family... cant with them.. cant live without them..
u stay with ur parents when u r young.. they bring u up to who u r..
but one day.. we will hav to grow up and leave,
to start our own life...
they the same.. will not be there forever...
no matter how much u want them to...

club and activities...
yes.. no doubt...
they leave a very deep impact...
the change the way to look at things...
in short ur mind sets...

education...
helps u to find a job...
gives you security...
makes u mature...
gives u a future...
and the future is...
Working... to feed urself.. ur desires...
humans.. by nature only want more and more...
so we dont really hav enough no matter how much we hav...
never contented

Love...
sigh...
they always say..
find someone u love...
get married...
live together forever...
hav a family...
raise the kids...
worry wat they will become in future...
then wait for the "kids"...
to start the next generation...
and then it starts all over again...

some ppl do stpid things
like jumping off buildings..
race cars at crazy speed...
or waterfalls... etc
just to feel alive...
that is how dead the world is...

is seems to me that life is just a cycle...
wat comes around goes around

So is that all live is abouT?

goodbye

2005-04-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

it's really weird...
really.
i lived in the hostel for the past few months,
and now i'm finally home...
but
i dont feel at home at all..
i kinda miss the fixed time table in school...
yucky food...
and of cus
my friends...
it seems like my world has turned totally upside down...
and there's nothing i can do about it...
lol
yeah...
u my think i'm insane
but ironically speaking...
i couldnt ever inmage myself living in the hostel...
but now..
i dont want to leave...

anyway...
now that i'm a thousand miles away from my friends....
i really wonder if i'll be in their thoughts...

lol

actually it maybe a good thing for my to leave the hostel...
i think everyone needs a little breathing space from hana...
oh well... sticky me...
actually more like insecured...
it's like the only think that i truly know i can hold on to no matter what is God.. Jesus Christ...
sometimes this tot scares me...
to think that on earth i may never be able to find anyone to share my heart...
but then again...
God did give me these wonderful friends...
let's hope it last...

Good Friday n Easter

2005-03-26T23:30:00.000+08:00

You know i think it's vvery cool that Someone is willing to die for ppl who He doesnt even know...
i mean dont you think it's just weird?
at the most painful point in life all He cares about is us
it's just too cool...

and to think that i'm saved only bcus he died for me is just unbelievble
the tot of it is just as comforting...
to know that someone luvs me so much...

Anyway...
my friends came to my church for Good Friday!
it was soo CHUN!!!
although i felt kinda embarassed to do wat i had to in front of them (i was in a play)
it was really great to hav them there...
:)
sigh...
i have been blessed with te best friends anyone could ask for...
but i was a pity that one of them couldnt come...
i really wanted her to come....

anyway tml i'll be visiting their church...
will be so writing about it next week...

thinkin' back

2005-03-23T18:26:00.000+08:00

now that almost everything is back to normal, i start to think back on what actually happened...
there was a time when i was almost ready to take my own life...
now...
i'm thinkin y?
so here goes...

my live at home... with my family... is totally crazy... nothing goes the way i want it to... my parents dont let me do what i think i should do...
Interact... the club... my life... after spending almost 2 years in it... i dont see any chances.. things are just as bad... no one listens... although i'm president... i cant seem to get them to listen.. it feels like i'm doing everything alone... i tried picking new BOD the most democratic way... and guess what... WW3 started in front of me... everything that i thought would help has gone haywired!!! everything i worked for... believe in my BOD.. thinking that they would understand.. it's not easy choosing new BODs... now i'm worry... cus it seems like i cant even get the report together... i'm very worried that KC doesnt get any awards... cus i really need it as approve of wat i have done...
my friends... at this turn i feel like the world is against me... i tot that the only ppl i could trust is my friends... so... stupid me put all my eggs in the same basket... i wrote a poem and got totally misunderstood... i guess she tot i was really ready to die for her lolz... the truth was i would rather die if everything i worked for disappeared in front of me... anyway... i think i was too indirect with her... i guess i should hav used plain words...
SPM... chinese... something i cant get right... and for that whole week i had no idea wat was going on for maths... i felt like a total Loser!!! with a cap "L"...
all in all everything made me feel like a loser...
i thought my friends would be the ppl standing by me in times of need... i thought... yeah rite... i really thought wrong... anyway... for that whole month i felt nothing but a failure...

i think that was what that was going thru my mind that week...
anyway i'm so over it... i really couldnt care more anymore...
i think... i will still trust and love but just not as much...
and my habit of caressing hands should only be for the ppl i trust and the ppl who trust me in return...

i hate my life

2005-03-19T13:08:00.000+08:00

i had one of the best days of my life yesterday.
i spent a whole day with them in sunway.
it was great!
Had pizza
Watched movie
A little shopping.
and last but not least
i had my 3rd
piercing...

everything was fine...
mom din notice.. but i knew i had to tell her... (STUPID ME)... cus i know if i din... and she found out she would have killed me..

Anyway stupid me told her...
and guess wat...
she blew up anyway...
scream about
"wat i'm trying to proof... lesbian... gay... NO JAPAN!... lost trust... etc"
and guess wat..
i told her a day earlier that i wanted to get my ear pierce...
she was like.. "nolar.. wat for... aiyar.. watevalar it's your ear"
so i told she was okie with it...

sigh...
i almost 17 btw...
but she takes my as a kid

Wow!

2005-03-13T02:06:00.000+08:00

This week has been really crazy...
i started off my week thinking i lost a really really good friend. it was terrible. CRAZY...
But as time pass... this seemed a bit different...
Short sentences started...
then
Longer sentence...
then
to the discussion of.. Simple Plan (saved my life)
then
to a few laughs
finally
the guts to speak in complete sentence...
tat was thursday night, thank God!

Anyway the next day was my friend's 17th birthday we celebrated her bday and our little sis bday just the day before(thursday)...
the results were really weird... until now i'm not very sure if they were happy at all...
Eventhough we tried sooo HARD it seems when the cake was brought out...
thier faces showed no smiles...
not even the slightest...

Oh well...
at least i knoe Evy is ermm "quite" happy... (i hope i got the message rite)...
WAteva it is.. i just hope you guys r happy...
cus we really tried very hard...
LUV you guys sooo MUCH!!!!
HAPPY BirthdaY
BEE HApPY

What i'm living for

2005-03-06T01:59:00.000+08:00

i live everyday just to see this

this is a complitation of smile from my friends and family
i love them very much

u r "the reason"

2005-03-06T01:56:00.000+08:00

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so, I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

saturday!

2005-03-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

so many birthday so little money...
it all starts on monday
7th-Fonny
9th-Zhi yun, Tze Yin
11th-Evelyn, Pu Ngo
13th-grandapa
14th- Liyin
one week 7 days 5 birthdays...

sigh,
went shopping today in MV...
So many KC-ian lepak-ing there...
i even was my art teacher there!
i was desprately trying to call my friend to ask about "seni"... call 3 times... but sadly she was in the showers.. just as i tot all hope was gone! i saw HER!!!
wow!
Thankz be to GOD!!!
just the person to speak TO!!!
even manged to buy everything in time!

organic search's tml...
MAMA doesnt want me to go...
i dunno how to tell my friend tat though...
sigh
i guess i just would tell her at all...
until she calls...
sigh...
really wanted to be there!

like you

2005-03-04T19:51:00.000+08:00

Guess wat!I lived a week without talking the person beside me(almost)!
But I felt like HELL!
Gosh I don't ever want to try or again!
I'm not sure if I was ignoring her or was is she ignoring me
But it sure feels like she hates me... and doesn't wanna see me again
I really wanted to talk to her...
But believe it or not...
I was SCARED
Really really scared...
And I hav totally no idea y I am...
I just didn't dare talk to her, touch her or even being anywhere near her,
It was HELL
But as I was think of it today,I came to a tot...
Maybe she was feeling the same thing as me...
Maybe just maybe she was just as scared as me...
or maybe even confussed
I can to a conclusion that it REALLY takes 2 hands to clap!
I mean..
she could have been waiting for me to talk to her while
I was waiting for her to talk to me...
So I guess if we both were waiting..
That leaves no one to do the talking...
Anyway.. at last period??I managed to slip out some words
(I asked homework, got so worked up that I hav no idea wat the teacher was saying for the past few days)
I really needed to, cus if I din I wouldnt have been able to hand-in my maths!
Lol
things got a little lighter...
less tense...
Well at least to me
Anyway I'm gonna try harder to make things rite...
Who knows.. I manage just find the guts to tell her wat I really meant
this friendship means too much to me to be thrown away...

depression

2005-03-04T19:45:00.000+08:00

During the past few days I was totally depressedI felt like a LOSER, and FAILURETill the extend of wanting to kill myself
My friends tried to help me
But their words all sounded like CRAP
To me it all didn't matter, all I want is to end my misery,
That nite I was prepared, everything was planned
I was to take panadol enough to kill... since 10 wasn't enough...
It was gonna be great, my misery was about to end
but I was crying on my bed... thinking how much my life sucked
Suddenly the feeling left
I don't know how and I don't know why
I even managed to sleep thru the whole damn nite
Later I found out the my mom actually felt my pain (although she wasnnt's anywhere near)
She prayed for me thru out the nite
God.. Am i glad she did
Anyway the last few days in school was like God talking to me
All my teacher were so obsessed with the death of my ex-senior who commited suicide..
That they were all talking about life
and the problems we face
And how stupid it is to think that ending ones life can make things better.
Now as I type this.. I really do feel stupid...
I never knew I needed God (and Mom) so much...
And I never tot that those words can actually come out from my mouth!
There's so much to live for...

if only

2005-03-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

if only she trusted me..
then she would know that
i'll never ever do anything to hurt her.. in any way...
i only want her to be happy...
i only wished she trusted me enough to know that...

what happened

2005-03-02T17:00:00.000+08:00

i though i found the perfect friend... YEAH rite
oh well, i happened like this...
i was so touched when she gave me a little cross saying "thank you Jesus for the cross", at that moment, i tot i would've cried (but i didnt)
so i mustard enough courage to show her...
to show her how important she is to me...
guess wat...
.........................
i was stupid enough to write her a poem...
(soli i cont remember wat i wrote cus the "P" has been destroyed)
to tell her how much i trust her
but i really really need her to trust me, so i can trust myself,
(cus i really still cant really trust myself since the last time)
so that these wounds can heal...............
but de weird thing was.. she got mad at me...
i must hav totally pissed her off but i hav totally no idea how and why?
shouldnt she be happy?
it's not everyday someone's gonna write you a poem u know?
and she din speak to me for the whole day..
and she's still ignoring me...
i think she wants me to suffer for wat i did (she's doing a great job)
and as i thought the new friends i hav will stand with me tru times like these..
how WRONG was i...
i never knew...
i feel really abandon now...
i think my problem is i trust ppl tooo easy... but i just cant trust myself
or maybe..
just maybe
God wants me too trust him fully..and not depend so much on friends
anyway...
i dont know wat i'm living for anymore...

why live?

to all my friends

2005-02-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

dedicated to the special ppl in my life! Hope you guys know how you are!

friends are so special that sometimes
u just dunno how to express
the special feeling they give u
when they are beside you
especially
the warmth of their hugs
the sound of their laughter
making u feel like that
there is a reason for you being here
but
friends too can make u crazy...
just one word from them
can make ur world turn 360
from the smile on ur face
to the tears u fear
so i guess no matter what happens
it can be resolved
only if both parties are willing
to open their mouths and hearts
let the feelings locked up inside come lose
and u will see
u r not the only one that feels that way too
do not let misunderstanding hinder you
bcus u never know when
u'll find a friend as faithful as pure
cherish them
listen, understand and try to be there
and remember
never betray never lie
cus what said cannot be taken back
think before you speak
cus sometimes words are sharper than knives
so hold them close to your heart
never let go
for one day
think back and regret
cus no one knows wat tomolo brings
but one thing's for sure
one day at a time
we will make it thru time...

i'm not a perfect person
pls forgive me!
i'm just a below average teen trying to live a normal life in this abnormal world!
bear with me pls

how i passed the day...

2005-02-26T20:06:00.000+08:00

this was how i passed a very "eventful" day with a broken heart

Wake up-late
-10mins b4 bell
breakfast-nothing
-just don't feel like eating
-30mins later felt like eating but had nothing
class-sleep tru as many periods as possible
-be quiet and "attentive"
-do as much as possible
lunch-1/2 can of beer
-1/2 glass of wine
-1/2 a box of rice
after lunch-recieved sms from concerned friends
-read letter friend gave (wanted to read ealier but couldnt find it)
-felt like crying, wanted so bad to hug her and to tell her i'm sorry...
(if only i din know how to write rythms)
-fell asleep
nite-went on9 but no one was there.
-had hot hot shower! (felt like i burnt my skin)
-had dinner(forgot to pray)
-had a glas of wine(dont fancy the taste of beer anymore)
-updating blog...
later-intent to call friend(if i hav enough courage, which i doubt)
-another glass of wine
-may go clubing or might just go rent enough cds to pass the nite
-how bout dying?

the sisterhood

2005-02-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

welcome to the sistherhood...

this is our my sisterhood :)
we consist of:

this is my big sis!
Fiona

this is my second sis!
Evelyn

this is me the third sis in the sisterhood
in case u dont know my name!
it Hannah

this is my fourth sis!
Daphne

this is my fifth sis
Maryanne

this is my sixth sis!
Alicia

and last but no least!
My little sis!
Celina

this is the siblings that god gave me...
i'm Glad God let me hav they now...
like they say...
"it's better late then never"
Luv u gals!
there no one like u gals :)

Lost

2005-02-19T16:44:00.000+08:00

today something really weird happened...

this is how the story went...

Once upon a time in a far away land, lived two friends called Me and You. You was Me's angel when ME's heart was broken. For that Me has always tot of You as an angel sent from God to make high school a better place. Me considers YOU as a best friend but sadly me was vey afraid to tell. What if You doesnt think that Me is worthy of being her best friend? So many Problems filled Me's mind, making ME more and more afraid...

Me really wants to show You that, Me really cares... but hasnt got the slightest idea how... Me really wants to be YOu's crying shoulder... somewhere, where You can turn to without being afraid... someone who YOu can trust...
Today something happened, something really scary... You was called out during mandirin period, when she came back her eyes started to water... tears started to fall...
the minute Me saw the tears, Me felt really really helpless bcus Me knew that there was nothing Me could do when You was like that... All Me could do was sit there and pray... hoping that the almighty GOD will send his angels to wipe away her tears...

Sometime ME really wish that You could share a little of her sorrow with Me cus by doing so ME knows that You will feel much better, after all, thats wat friends are for. Well... Me just wants You to know that You has been an amazing friend...

i wish i could hav done more than just stare when u started to cry...

Hope

2005-02-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

Friends...
the siblings God forgot to give us...
the precious gift from God...
after year 2004...
i was afraid to trust...
what would happen if i..
gave my trust and got it broken again?
i think i'll probably die...
of a broken heart..
but..
amazingly...
at the end of last year...
i got a little taste of real friendship..
tis is the continues the story of 2004..

Not long after hana's heart was broken into a thousand pieces...
a girl who stayed not far from her hostel room came and picked up the pieces...
this girl was HC...

HC comforted...
welcomed hana into her life...
opened up her room to hana...
almost everything nite hana would be sobbing her heads off in her room..
and
HC will be just like an gruadian angel...
not saying a word
just comforting in presence...
other than that...
friends like P2 and TM
came and were just as comforting...
thru this incident
hana learned that there is always hope...
even in the darkest hour...
and...
hana has also learned to
trust again...

although hana has found a new life..
she still wishes that she could turn back time...
but for now
she knows that
someday somehow...
everything will be alrite...
this is how the story ends...
__________________________________________________
I truly would like to thx my best friend in school
Hwee Chee
for just being there at times of need..
for listening...
and
for understanding...

let's hope this last!

my friends, my life

2005-02-08T17:19:00.000+08:00

i hope it is true...
luv u guys...

My misery

2005-02-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

After writing the story of year 2004..
i've been thinking...
friends... no matter how close to your heart...
dont really last...
or..
could it be..?
that i havent had any real friends yet?
am i that...
hopeless..?

I am really thinking about it now...
wat exactly did i do wrong..
that is the question that has been runnig thru my brains..
since...
that day

The problem is I dont find myself that HOPELES...
i mean i made it thru 11 years of private chinese education..
i lived thru UEC, PMR, UPSR... etc...
i've been the prezzy of an interact club...
etc
i cant can but think i'm not that hopeless...
but...
the strange this is...
everytime...
everytime...
i think of this...
i do feel..
HOpeless that is...
so rite now i dont know what to do...
I really really wanna trust again...
deep in my hear i believe they are true..
but... are they?

Do u think my current friends are true?
Do u think they can fish me out of my misery?
Should i trust them full?
Should i risk my heart again?

So do u think... i should risk everything again?

the lesson

2005-02-08T02:32:00.000+08:00

sigh*
time passes so quickly...
much happened last year...
but the biggest impact was... losing a friend and gain new ones

it's a long long story...
and tis is how it began,
once upon a time, there lived a girl called Hana... she was 16 at the time and loved to talk.
one day, she got to know an indonesian chinese friend(FJ) thru the indonesian(Christin) next to her... they started talking, talking, talking, talking and talking...
not long... they became close friends...
not long before christin left school, hana moved into the hostel.
in the hostel, almost every min was spent with FJ. dinner, breakfast, homework etc...
the more FJ got to know about Hana, the more FJ disliked her...
u see.. FJ comes from a very independent background while hana comes from a very dependent background... for example...
hana was taught to help others clean up after meals... while
FJ was taught to ONLY clean up after herself...
so, much problems surfaced when hana started helpping FJ with the dishes... (shall not go into details)
other than that,
to hana... spending time with someone is show how much you care... on the other hand...
to FH... spending too much time with someone is very.... ermm "FAN?" ermm get the pic?
on top of that... Hana has a problem dealing with stress which could hav cuzed much problems too
so as u can see.. more and more problems surfaced...
till one day....
FJ couldnt take it anymore
she said this to hana,(tranlated)"We can't be good friends anymore... you dont think before you speak, you are very "fan"... let's just be friends... but we can never be like b4 again cus when i see your face i feel very dissapointed. you are very dissapointing."
at that time hana was so stunt that she din know how to reply... all she could do was nod her head...
later on that nite only did the reality hit her...
tears filled her eyes for days... not knowing wat to do... all she did was cry for the 1st 5days... everytime that name or anything to do with it was mentioned, tears just came...
these tears lasted longer than she expected...
but...
as she was in her misery, ppl hu she din know very well came to her rescue...
they were there as a shoulder to cry on...
as reassurance that the world doesnt end so easily
i think without them she probably would hav died of a broken heart...
see.. this is the amazing power of a friends love...
it can build u up or tear u apart.
so,
with the help of these new friends hana has made it thru the day...
but...
everytime hana think of this incident...
tears still fills her eyes and heart...
cus she knows... this world is not perfect...

well that was the story.. it is based on a true story...
i hope u learned as much as i did from it...
i wanna thank those hu had standed-by me in times of need... u know hu u r...
luv u guys...

InTeract Conference

2004-12-01T17:52:00.000+08:00

I used to be crazy over blogging.. after every camp i'll surely add something to my blog.. but it has been awhile so i hope u dont get angry if any of the fact are a little off.. bad memory.. ME that is...

this time at conference was a totally shock to me.. i never seen sooo many interactors all in one place before... it was like oh my... i think my jaws dropped.. i was soooooo scared... something might go wrong or something... see this year i brought along 3 juniors in their form 2s... sooo scary i tell u.. making sure they dont wonder of somewhere... and dissapear... u knoe... my imagination very geng.. so i cus lossa agony to myself... thank God everything went well...

anyway, on 1st day of conference was quite boring... the speeches the talks roll call etc... i find it a little weird... i sang many songs.. but not the most important one of all "the interact song". oh well i guess they may have forgetten or something... the problem with the talks is it's sooooo long and they never keep to the given time making all the other programs messed up (the time tat is), everything was soooooo RUSHED...

thx God the nite was nothing like the day... it was pure fun from start... i was in the green group!! after aaaaalong and undedicided discussion we finally agreed on "whack only"... yea i tell u it was realy whack only... but it end very well... our chant was amazing... :) i cant really remember it though... sigh.. anyway.. the games were a little different... but i loved the rock show the most! it featured 10 people per group on stage with wigs, brooms, mops, buckets, toilet thingys etc (hope u get the idea) jumpping to a tune by "really" rock stars mimicking their moves... it was a real laugh.. :)

the next day...
talks from morning till evening... forums... on teen related izzue like SEX etc... lolz.. .was crazy.. there was this guy SHUAN... had crazy hair styles and a really bad attd... well at least i think so... had sooo much unrelated things to say about the S word.. sighs... sick.. that guy really is... anyway.. it went on and on... but the talks in the afternoon was much better..although i cant really remember wat they were about... lolz... anyway.. many ppl ponteng-ed... cus they were tooo tired or.. just had better things to do then sit and ermmmm dream? oh well i actually fell asleep in some of themmm soooo sooorrrryyyyyyyy ppl :(
the nite was "quite" interesting although some of the plays were a little ermmmm illogical? we even had something on barney the purple dino,.... ziyk.. i dont wanna see another purple dino anymore....

anyway the last day was the craziest... i slept thru the whole morning talk.. IN THE HALL... well actually the nite before we were bad!!! slept at around 4-5am... playing truth or dare... ooooo did some really stupid things... Muahaha... tooo bad only i know (and some others that sweared not to tell) we even went food hunting in the middle of the nite, walked half the camp site to get a box of mee, and some cookies... had real FUN...

i missing it..... :( anyway .. i thing the best thing about this camp is i managed together to know some really swell people!!! soooo chun... most of all i got to know some people better than i already did and am sooooo glad i did :)

sooo much more i wanna say.. errmmm in this case type.. but i guess i'll stop here for now...
ttfn

Been a long long while

2004-11-30T11:29:00.000+08:00

sigh... days go by so quickly i dont really know wat i hav been doing.. before u know it i'm already 16 yrs old and form 4... just in a few weeks (about 8) i'll be in form 5.... SPM... oh well... let's not go there yet...
anyway.. i started this new blog cus i wanna change a little... u know... ermm i like to see myself as happy but my other blog makes things look so blue... so now i'm starting anew.. :)
anyway if u still wanna take a look at my old blog here the link http://littlepartsofme.blogspot.com
okie gtg
will be blogging so :)

[[---`*Hope*Faith*Love*`---]]